Packing My Suitcase

With eleven days left until we head to Florida, I realized I had some packing to do. Not the kind you'd think of that's essential when leaving home for six months. Rather, the Lord showed me that I had some mental and spiritual sorting and organizing to do in order to be prepared and at peace for the 2008 season. 

As every baseball wife knows, there are as many uncertainties in baseball as there are players in the minor leagues. There are a million "what if" and "if then" and "how come" questions that bombard our minds. These little missiles of doubt have the ability to derail our day to day productivity and hinder us from accomplishing what needs to be done. 

While the same uncertainty is there for our husbands, they seem to handle it a different way. They prepare. They practice. They play. What happens, happens. That's all there is to it for them. But for us, it is a bit more complex. We don't have any control over what happens. We can't even get out there and help them throw the ball. And nothing infuriates a woman more than being out of control. 

Spring training and the preparation for it is probably one of the most uncertain times of the entire baseball season. And that's where we are right now. So on how in-control I feel on a scale of 1-10, I would rate it at about a 2. Maybe a 1.5. As I think and pray through this time though, the Holy Spirit is teaching me that despite what the world tells me and in contrast to my fleshly mindset that wants Stephanie's way 24/7, this is not a bad state to be in. For at this point, I am forced to fling myself into the loving arms of my Savior and rest in the shadow of His wings. 

Yesterday morning, I re-read the story in Genesis 22 of how the LORD commanded Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac, whom he loved more than life itself, as a burnt offering to Him. This must have torn Abraham's heart to the very core, but he didn't flinch. He took Isaac to the mountain the LORD had signified as the place of sacrifice and prepared to do as the LORD had said. 

Seconds before he was going to slay his beloved son, the angel of the LORD verbally spoke to Abraham and said, "Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to harm him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me" (Gen. 22:12)

At that moment, Abraham looked up and saw a ram caught in the bushes nearby. The LORD had provided a sacrifice. 

Although the LORD is definitely not asking me to sacrifice my child, I do feel that He is asking me to sacrifice my desires, expectations, plans, and hopes for the baseball season to Him. To lay them down at His feet so that He may use them for His glory. In doing so, He is offering me His perfect peace and rest from worry, thus giving me mental freedom to do the laundry, and play with McKenzie, and laugh with Josh. In essence, He is asking me to rest and not concern myself with matters too great for me. He is asking me to let Him carry the suitcase.

I pray with David in Psalm 131:1-3:

O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; 

my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things 

too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,

liked a weaned child with its mother;

like a weaned child is my soul within me.  

(English Standard Version)  

Watching McKenzie sleep reminds me of this truth. 

LORD, give me grace to surrender. And please, take my suitcase.