Friendship's force is so potent it is able to sing into existence a brilliant idea, a work of art, or a vision for change in another person that left alone would have shriveled in the mind's shady forest of thought. This relationship is the least natural and most divine of loves for it involves two souls looking not towards each other, but linked arm in arm, pursuing the same vision, calling each other to greater and more noble heights, each drawing out of the other something that otherwise might have perished in dormancy never to reach existence. Not many people truly experience this joy and consequently very few truly value it [3].
The hyper-connected Facebook-culture we live in unfortunately does not remedy this sad truth, it exacerbates it. Acquiring 499 contacts for our Facebook page does not mean that we have anything more in common with those individuals than an introduction, and sometimes not even that as we tend to accumulate Facebook "friends" like a child accumulates toys , "de-friending" them when we are tired of them or have already mined their "friend list" for more friends. This does not assist us in building genuine, lasting friendships, it inoculates us to our need for them, giving us a very weak dose of a noble thing.
In order not to disparage Facebook, I must point out that it can be a very useful tool when used properly. Much like the indispensable Rolodex, Facebook is essentially a phone book of personal contacts and a great vehicle to let everyone in your address book know where you are going on vacation, the news that you are pregnant, along with a picture of the positive test, the cute things your two-year-old said, the great article you read last night, and where to find the best Mexican food in town. You can definitely disperse a lot of information this way, but let's be honest, it's not an effective tool for fostering deep friendships.
C.S. Lewis died long before Mark Zuckerberg ever thought of Facebook, but what he wrote about Friendship in The Four Loves is aptly relevant today. He wrote~ "People who simply 'want friends' can never make any. The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question Do you see the same truth? would be 'I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend,' no Friendship can arise--though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even it if were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers."
It is almost as if Lewis wrote this specifically about our social-media-hyped culture which madly pursues friendship and nearly forfeits it. Nevertheless, all is not lost; Friendship is a reflection of God Himself and will never die, though certain generations may inadvertently send it into exile, leaving a world full of lonely, isolated people who check their Facebook pages hourly. Consequently, a reclamation project is in order- a purposeful effort to recapture definitions, accurately describing what it means to be an acquaintance, a companion, and a Friend, thus rescuing ourselves from the diluted definitions our generation has foisted upon us.
Reclaiming and recapturing Friendship is my vision for the summer and will be the subject of the next few posts. In the process, you will hopefully be encouraged to do the same.
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[1] Emerson, as quoted in C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves
[2] C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
[3] Paraphrase of C.S. Lewis on Friendship, The Four Loves
3 comments:
Good post Stef. A good encouragement and reminder! xoxo
Great post, Mups!! Loved it!! I really liked the part about not just making friends to have friends; there needs to be a common purpose. Lots of thinkish thoughts:)
Also, liked how you said: "the mind's shady forest of thought." Good word picture:)
Love ya,
Boo
wow! love your writing - not only do you make people think, but the words paint such vivid pictures.
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